Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
