This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's just like the Real World with babies
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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