You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
