What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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