That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
