chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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