I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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