my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she told me i tasted like america
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
