I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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