Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
