Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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