Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
