Sry I called you an 8
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
