You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize