so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
