Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
