allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
