I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
