thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
