This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
