she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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