Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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