my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
