roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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