At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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