I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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