at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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