apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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