This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
