That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
