if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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