Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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