Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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