But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
