it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
