Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
