So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
