similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize