Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
