I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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