I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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