i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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