You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
