I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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