I could have mohawked her pubes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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