Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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