dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
