i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
