Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
