yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
