2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
