I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
