Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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