nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this will be a night to untag.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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