my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
