We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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