I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
