How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
