Don't make out with my wife yet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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